I am an open book person. I wear my heart on my sleeve and pretty much say what's on my mind even if I sometimes look foolish.
So now that Spring is here it brings up my age old affliction........I have a great fear. A fear that will stop me in my tracks. A fear that will make my heart race, my fingers tingle and a sick feeling in my stomach when it happens. I might start shaking or I may even scream.
It is this fear that keeps me from being a gardener. Oh I love flowers with their blooming color, some with their intoxicating scent. Hydrangeas are my fave. But I also love lavender and roses and gardenias.....
I love the smell of a newly mown lawn and fresh greenery
and if you read my blog you know I LOVE trees.
I can't wait to have some lemon trees
BUT as beautiful as those things are I just cannot dig in dirt to plant them, tend them, get down and dirty and put my hands around weeds UNDER them and all that goes with the act of gardening....it is all thwarted because of the F E A R.
I've been thinking a lot about this lately as most people are planting or have already planted their spring plants. Some have lush gardens where last years plants are blooming again. They rejoice in tales and photos of the things they've planted and the bounty from all their efforts. I applaud them. I envy them.
Without the FEAR I'd have been out there every year and I'd be wearing my gardening outfit happily working in my garden...showing you my bounty here on my blog.
but with MY fear I'd have to be wearing this instead
AND the wellies and gloves of course!
This morning I went out to feed my dog and give her fresh water and floating in her water bowl was one of my BIGGEST fears (and it was black and huge). Though it was no longer alive it stopped me, I couldn't move and I felt that sick feeling in my empty stomach. I finally reached down and took the water bowl and dumped it throwing the water way in to the yard.(not the bowl) I had to tell myself to move on......"it's dead, it's gone"....give her the fresh water.
By now you are asking what??? what is this big fear that keeps you from gardening???
Well I won't show them because I couldn't stand to have a picture of any of it on my blog so I just have to tell you.
It's spiders!! It's bugs!! Even ants crawling on me!! I swear just saying the words I get the shakes. AND we have an issue with wasps around here too! This fear is dibilitating to me. It freaks me out. I don't care if it's a daddy long legs spider! The only thing that does not give me the fear are lady bugs, butterflies, dragonflies.....sweet, harmless things like that. BUT a spider, a wormy thing, a crawly bug, wasps, beetles......well you get the idea.....I cannot handle even saying the names. I HATE moths fluttering around me, OMG! When we were camping in Tahoe one summer there were these things called June bugs that were like flying, prehistoric beetles....I nearly lost my mind!
Truly, honestly I cannot handle those things. I WILL cry. When it comes to this fear I am still 5 years old. And it's just insane!
NOW, even if I wore the full suit so nothing touches me I would FLIP OUT if I looked down and something was crawling on me...suit or not. I'd do the scream, the swiping it off, the fear dance that includes jumping up and down and arms flapping....... and then I know I'd say to BohoHandyman......"I can't do this!"
Who needs that?
He's very patient and he'd tell me "it's gone now, it's fine" then he'd laugh and say "they don't eat much anyway". haha...NOT funny!
Can you imagine if we had things like scorpions or snakes to deal with too? I'd move.
Oh and I don't like mice either.
OMG....should I be living in a bubble???
We don't have a garden....we want one. We plan on something out there.....but he shouldn't be expected to do all himself. He mows and takes the weeds down but we truly have nary a plant to water.
Isn't that sad?
I'd love to be able to hire a landscaper!
You are probably feeling the need to pyschoanalyze me about now, eh?
"Now Lisa, when and why did this fear begin?"
The thing is I have had this my entire life and would love nothing more than to NOT have it because it it is NOT amusing whatsoever. But don't suggest I confront my fear or let spiders or bugs crawl on me because if that happened I'd no longer be able to do art or blog. I'd instead be sitting in a corner in some stuper brushing imaginary bugs off me.
So what's a gal to do?
Maybe hypnotism?
NO matter what though I HAVE to get a lemon tree planted...maybe 2! Even if I have to wear that suit to do it! I call myself "Lemonita" because I love the smell of lemon....lemon in my water.....lemon baked goods and so on. I even have lemon-lookalikes in containers in my kitchen! And I soooo miss the old lemon tree we used to have. I'll water it, I will!
OK, go ahead.....now you tell me YOUR fear stories....I told you mine and believe me it's not easy to admit you're a weakling!
P.S. I HAVE come up with a way I can grow some flowers but in a different way....but that's another story for later. (It's going to be fabulous when it all comes together though)
