The other day my sociology teacher from high school (who I am connected with on Facebook and who was THE coolest teacher EVER) posted this photo of me as a teen. A friend and I had started to paint a rainbow mural on his classroom wall but it was not finished as the principle (a major @#Y&...... I can't say what I really want to say about that heinous principal because it would be beyond explicit) made us paint over it. I was so delighted to see this photo as I have oh so few candid photos of me at that time.
I look back at that girl and think about what she dreamt of at the time......in terms of where she wanted her life to go
She was sure she would marry her first love
(Prom 1972 - me in a vintage dress)
(photo from the internet)
have lots of dogs
(photo from the internet)
(photo from the internet)
(photo from the internet)
. She was oh so idealistic and would dream the scenario over and over. She pictured herself sewing (at the time she made many of her clothes) and painting.
My easel
(image from the internet)
with lace curtains billowing in the breeze
and oil lamps for ambiance
(image from the internet)
listenting to Joni Mitchell sing Ladies of the Canyon
while sitting by the fireplace reading in a favorite chair
wearing her long dresses......... with barefeet
(photo taken by of me by BohoHandyman)
or with her favorite Red Wing boots
(photo from the internet BUT I did wear boots like this)
She was a girl with her head in the clouds. She would go to bed at night dreaming of that life she knew was going to happen. (Funny college wasn't in the scenario, something regretted to this day)
But it didn't happen. At least in all the ways and with the person she thought it would be. And that's how life goes.....that old "life happens when you're making other plans" thing, especially when you are young and idealistic.
First Love shattered her heart............
She moved away in sorrow to another state to mend it(although her plan was to actually travel to England)
2 yrs later she met BohoHandyman
and the rest is history!!
Your dreams may not happen as you expect them to, sometimes you may even wonder why those dreams meant so much....and sometimes you realize the person you thought was meant for you simply wasn't . And you also find that even though you are LOONNGGGG past that girl in terms of age....... you may still like the same things now that you did then because they ARE YOU inside after all. And although the dreams you had may seem superficial today.......and you may not have thought about bills and mortgage and retirement back then......you can't help it.....like the song says "a dream is a dream your heart makes".
so the silly facts are...
I still like wearing long dresses.
I still search for those great boots I once had.
I still paint and sew and listen to Joni.
We have a dog and 2 cats.
The children were not to be had, but that wasn't our doing.
OUR dream is a beach house....but we had to settle for a wee cottage-like house a 40+ minute drive to the ocean.
We don't have a fireplace but I still like to read a book in my favorite chair.
A player may have changed but the dream remained the same and there were new dreams added....and yes the reality comes with bills and a mortgage and talk of retirement and menopause and losing our parents and all things that come with age......
But what is the real dream when you come right down to it?
To be happy and content and be who you are with someone you love who accepts every aspect of who you are unconditionally. Even if some of who you are is rooted in that 18 year old.
I got the real dream when I wasn't even looking for him.
So I will never STOP dreaming........
What about you? Are there things you have carried forward since those days of blissful ignorance? And I say ignorance because at that age we just aren't as worldly as we think we are.